it’s been 8 months and 10 days..
It’s been 8 months and 10 days.. I was the skeptic at first. Didn’t think we would last, but let it happen anyways because it seemed too good to throw it away gently. At first I thought “oh this isn’t so bad, we can handle this”, then things started getting dark. I seemed to live in the city of gloom and boredom. I started losing motivation, only thinking about her and being away from her, letting the darkness around seep into my colorful walls, not being able to breath, starring blankly out the window, sleeping during the day, staying awake during the night, crying myself to sleep, and not eating. I would take all of the weight of the distance. I would get angry with her because she was handling it better than me, “she was better at it than I was”, “too good for me”, “she wasn’t loving me enough”.. I’d end all night time phone calls frustrated and angry with the distance and blaming her. I almost ended it. Thinking that was the way to get out of this darkness. Then.. I thought about what the darkness would become if she wasn’t there to try and turn it into rainbows.. My stomach aches just at the thought. I pulled myself out of it. Stopped comparing myself to her. Accepting that it’s hard, but it’s hard because I care. I had to see why I was doing this. It’s cuz she’s the one who has touched me in ways I never thought I’d let anyone touch me. She’s the one who asked me out when I really didn’t think I would be catching anyone’s eye anytime soon. She’s the one who acts like a goof and I can’t help but giggle. She’s the one who looks just as weird and lovely and others say of me. She’s the one who I can talk to about my deepest darkest sadnesses and happiest silliest rainbow thoughts on the same phone call. She’s the one who loves trees and the stars just as much as I do. She’s the one who truly loves me just the way I am.. The strange, crazy, silly, childish me that I am. She’s my favorite little spoon. Can’t believe it’s only been 8 months and 10 days.
